Shy Boys

Shy lads have a tough time of it in the dating pool. It's easy to look at everyone else and think that they have confidence by the bucket-load - but like lots of things in life, nothing is as it seems, and I'd bet my bottom-dollar that those lads who are having loads of success at the dating game are as riddled with self-doubt as you are.

So, if you're desperate to try your hand at internet dating or even adult dating, but you just don't have the gumption, what can you do? Pretend, that's what. You're going to have to coach yourself to present an aura of confidence and self-worth - it doesn't matter what's going on underneath, if you can act like the man you know yourself to be, then you can persuade just about anyone that you're worth getting to know.

There are some basics here: you need to be able to drag your gaze away from your shoes and look someone in the eyes. You need to be able to speak clearly and confidently - it's no good being a dab hand at a flirty email on an online dating site if you can't hold a conversation in real life. And if I sound harsh, that's intentional! What you have to remember is that it takes your brain a while to catch up with your body - if you're physically sticking by the rules, regardless of the butterflies and the nerves, then eventually your brain will learn that this is the new, confident you. There's a reason why the experts bang on about body language - I'm afraid it's key to a successful dating experience.

One of the easiest tricks for a shy man to use is to ask lots of questions. You may find it tough talking about yourself for any length of time, but if you turn the tables and ask your date about her life, you might be surprised to find that she thinks you're a great conversationalist! And once the conversation's going, you should find that you relax into it, without the pressure of those awkward silences looming.

Successful dating, whether it's going on a first date or embarking on an adult dating adventure, is all about positive thinking. However many knock-backs you've had, or however shy you feel, you need to think that this next date is going to be a knock-out. Don't underestimate how powerful positive thinking can be. Try an experiment: every time you have a negative thought, counter it with a positive one. So if you catch yourself thinking, 'that woman's never going to fancy me, what have I got to offer,' deliberately turn it on its head and say, 'I'm going to chat to that woman - she looks interesting, and I think she might find me interesting too.' It might feel completely unnatural at first, but if you practise this kind of positive thinking it will become habitual before you know it.

This is an obvious one, but do make an effort to look your best. We all feel better when we've scrubbed up and presented our best face to the world. Don't hide away in clothes that make you fade into the background. Women love dating men who aren't scared to make the most of their appearance, and who aren't scared to be an individual. If you post a picture on an online dating site, you wouldn't dream of choosing one where you looked anything but the best version of yourself, so use that selection criteria as the barometer by which you get dressed every morning. You never know where or when you might meet a prospective dating lovely, so be prepared...

It's ok to feel shy, but it's not ok to hide from the world. Acknowledge your shyness (it is, after all, part of your charm) but don't let it rule your world. You deserve a great love life - make yourself go out and get it.